Five observations from the club lounge

….a lighter side to a flight delay

“Good evening mate…sorry, good morning”.

Easy mistake, it was 2:20 am at DBX.  I’m feeling jolly, which is weird considering I’ve been awake 20 hours.

2am transfer from the hotel for a 5 am flight. A quick cruise from the Movenpick,  Dubai flashing past at light speed. Still STINKING hot. Never know what airports will be like. Better to get there earlier. Wasn’t worth going to sleep.

Observation # 1 “You $#% what” is seldom appropriate, but people make allowances.

“Here is your complimentary breakfast voucher sir,  due to the late arrival of aircraft from Heathrow your flight is delayed. By 3.5 hours.  You can redeem it at McDonalds, KFC….”

“You #$%^ what?”.  I would like to think I didn’t say it out loud.

6 hours to burn at the airport. Could have slept.

Observation # 2 Everything at the airport is a rip off.

Buying anything at an airport is a bad, bad move. Expensive, impossible to return. “Ooh, let me blow $500 on a 1 in 2300 chance to win an Astin Martin Rapide!”

Better  value than anything else here. Better get something for 9 year old daugher though, lest I be bollocked over one of the 40 or so flights in the past 10 weeks. *sigh* “Yes, i would love that authentic piece of (made in China) UAE Jewelry… much?”  YFW?

Observation # 3 Somehow, airport lounges are not built for comfort

For 3 hours I have watched various attempts at contortion to achieve comfort on the “vinyl leather” chairs. You cannot get comfortable enough to sleep.  When you do, you slide off. Like the guy opposite me and the poor flight crew waiting for their delayed flight.  I’m going to get on it , have a drink and watch a film.

They board, smile, get to bring me the drinks. Put in perspective though, looks like there has been an earthquake somewhere on CNN. We’ve all got first world problems.

Observation # 4  Farts are funny

In any other setting it would have looked great. We all kinda walked in at the same time, 6 different nationalities, lined up at the urinals.  Some fantastic national dress. Me resplendent in my national outfit of Jeans and Polo shirt. Hmm, sloppy aussie.

Everyone followed the international etiquette of spreading out before they stood next to others (guys know what I mean) and various sighs of relief erupted.

Something else erupted.  Actually, more like a rent in space time. Sound like someone ripping a large swatche of cotton in half.  I laughed, it was gold.  3 of the guys were visibly distressed at this vulgar display of….hang on, if you cant let one rip at a urinal, where can you. Grown men staggering from a dunny can raise concerns though.

24 hours without sleep means uncontrolled  giggling over a fart. I mean the reverb in there was awesome.  The awkward silence platinum. I sat down near one of the other blokes and he fell asleep. I have found the culprit. When he isn’t snoring, he is farting . He has woken up twice to look around like someone is knocking on the door, confused, worried

“Did someone just rip a bed sheet?”. Yes, you.

I’m worried he’s going to follow through.  So was another couple; they got up and left.

I’m here for the long haul. And giggles.

Observation # 5 Its 5 O’clock somewhere

Having fitfully snoozed and dozed and people watched and read my way through nearly 5 hours, I decided on scotch.  The look of horror on the ladies face (a variation of “What the #$%^”) as I poured a (Oxymoron Alert)  “Ballantines Finest” scotch as she poured skim milk on her muesli.

Oh, it’s 6:50 am.

Maybe a G&T is more appropriate?  Actually, a bloody mary has fruit.  Will that go with Muesli?

p.s.  “Ladies and gents we regret to inform you of further delays…”




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